My return home
As my bus neared the Carson Valley,
I began to notice some peculiarities. We
were delayed as usual for construction.
The odd thing, though, was that all of the men were working on what
seemed to be a large dike instead of the highway. While we waited, I opened my window and
called to one of the workers. “What are
you guys working on?” The worker
squinted up at me and replied, “Can I please have some more fondue?”
When we were allowed to pass the dike, I noticed several
rows of storage units. A musty odor
wafted through the bus, whose engine seemed to falter until we passed to the
upwind side of the compound. I then
noticed most of the alfalfa fields had been replaced by grass pastures, all of
which were occupied by dairy cows.
“Hmm,” I thought, “could the demand for milk have increased so
drastically while I was away?”
Strangely, all traffic was detoured around Gardnerville. There seemed to be a wall around the town. I was forced to finish my homeward journey on
foot. The last thing I remember as I
approached a large gate in the wall, were strange screeching noises and a
stinging in my forearm. I seemed to be
passing out! As I slowly collapsed to
the ground, I realized I was surrounded by what appeared to be emus, all
wearing head gear resembling night vision goggles.
When I groggily regained consciousness, I was in a room full
of computers. Sitting in a large swivel
chair in the room’s center, was Daniel. “What
in tarnation is going on here?” I demanded.
My words however, seemed to fall on deaf ears. Daniel began talking into a headset. Besides holding several conversations at
once, he spoke in a strange syntax that seemed to be based on Old English.
“Hweorfan the neosan asettan faste by Mammoth. Eacnian gold cunnian od twegen gierd.....”
You get the idea.
I’ll translate his conversations in case you’re not familiar with Old
English.
“Change the search grid nearer to Mammoth. Increase gold
detector penetration to 2.5 meters.....The new drill bit should arrive
tomorrow. Have the men ready to resume
operations as soon at it arrives.
Remember to halt the drilling when you are within 50 meters of the water. We will need to make final preparations in
Genoa before you reach Lake Tahoe....Notify me as soon as the dike is completed,
and make sure the thickness is at least 2 meters on the west side....No no, I
don’t want Twyla again. She seems a
little rusty on the Fox Trot. Find me
another, and see if they can use her in sail manufacturing....Send another
pallet of fondue to the mayor in Carson City...that should placate him until we
complete Phase 1.”
Growing impatient, I demanded that Daniel listen to me. “Tell me what you are doing!”
He gave a sigh and replied, “nothing Mom.....just a little
summer project.”
“Tell me,” I persisted.
“Well, things kind of started when I tried a new fondue
recipe on some friends and discovered that they would do anything I asked them
to after they ate it. The second key
discovery came when one of my friends noticed a strange mold growing on the
dirty socks he left in his closet. He found
that nobody parked on his block could start their cars. Well, one thing led to another, and now I
have about 8,000 men and women working towards a little dream I’ve had.”
“And what might that be?” I asked, bracing myself.
“I wish to recreate the ancient Lake Lahontan by draining
Lake Tahoe into the Carson
Valley,” he replied as if
he was describing a homework assignment.
“My new medieval, water-based community will be protected from modern intrusions
by the mold.”
“What’s going on with the searching robots?”
“Just a little side project,” he replied. “I’m hoping to relocate the lost golden
sidewalk. The gold would be a nice
back-up plan in case the cheese fondue loses potency.”
Thinking ahead, I asked, “How will this affect my teaching
job?”
Daniel considered my question for a while and replied, “I
think we could find a place for you in my new Medieval Institute pending
successful completion of your audition.”
“And what might this audition entail?” I queried.
Daniel suddenly called out, “Ale, wench!” Immediately, a young man dressed in a German
frock appeared with a tray of ale-filled mugs.
“Isn’t that your best friend?” I asked.
“Yes, yes. Let’s just
say he lost a wager. Now, about your
audition...I have learned that father has escaped from the mule stables in
Tuolumne Meadows. The manager was quite
distraught. He told me he found several
bear canisters near the fence the morning after Dad arrived. Sometime during the following night, several
bears converged on the area and broke through the stable wall where Dad was
kept. Father is missing. His tracks headed north. Your audition is to find and rehabilitate
him. You must pass him off as a
gentleman when he reaches grandma’s horse ranch in Talent, Oregon.
If you are successful, you can teach archery or something at my
school. Now, if you don’t mind, I have
several things to attend to.”
Immediately, I was surrounded by young men in medieval garb
and escorted to my car which was parked outside the town wall. “This is turning out to be a stressful summer,”
I thought as I began driving towards Lake Tahoe. At least Jay’s collar GPS still seemed to be working.
Daniel, new portgerefa (mayor) of Gardnerville.
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